Everyone is gone right now but the flickering signs of a new spring are struggling to maintain my sanity as well as well as friends and family whether they be in New York, California, other ports of the Americas or even as far away as India...in my dreams I am riding a bicycle in Russia or clipping down a chute with both skis and my head still attached but always holding within me my deepest secrets from the past...secrets I never bring up in conversation because who really wants to see me break down crying like a child, the child in me who refuses to move past certain specific times in my life when I believed no one could be more happy or more at peace with himself...alas, so foolish to believe that can last forever, but a the same time strong indelible memories flash out of the past like the Northern Lights from so far away...so far away they are mesmerizing and taunting...("Sure, try and catch me another night if you're busy now, but I make no promises)...does anyone really know what their own memory is capable of?...is there is a circuit breaker that protects us from those memories that are too painful?...does talking about it or writing about it even make a difference?...
To be somewhere safe, to have someone care, is not a lot to ask of friends, but then again, who really has the nerve to ask?
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